#disclaimer: monarchies are useless

[billerak]

NO YOU SHOULDNT

Ok beyond the materialistic "selling toys" aspect to their existence, let's just take a step back and ACTUALLY look at how these characters are propaganda.

DISCLAIMER: I AM A BRONY, I LOVE THIS FUCKING SHOW AND ALL THE CHARACTERS HERE, AIGHT?

Luna and Celestia are literally useless 90% of the show. They do nothing whenever big threats show up and they leave everything to their subjects. And yet they're revered. Why?

Well, they control the fucking sun and moon.

But here's the thing: They haven't always been there and in fact they retire at the end of the show. I won't take G5 lore into account (g5 lore makes no fucking sense, screw you), but whatever, the point is that before they showed up the sun and moon were raised by powerful unicorns who all lost their magic every morning to do it, save for Starswirl.

Then Luna and Celestia showed up, members of a race of ponies far stronger than unicorns and helped them and became their rulers. THIS IS FUCKING HORRIFYING. IMAGINE IF SUPERMAN CAME DOWN FROM KRYPTON, CURED CANCER, AND THEN BECAME THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICA BEACUASE OF IT. FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. And then they instate a system in which they get to groom their potential successor (twilight, cadence) and do as they please!

And hell, just THINK about the potential candidates for princess Celestia picked: -Sunset: An incredibly powerful unicorn with potentially powers like hers, whose cutiemark may have implied she'd have a talent for moving the sun (before she turned evil). -Cadence: A pegasus with the power of love, which Celestia no doubt knew would get to do some FUCKED UP SHIT with it once she got unicorn magic. Sadly Celestia must have realized her cutiemark was that of the Crystal Empire and she sort of stepped back and figured she needed someone else in case Cadence wasn't available anymore. -Twilight: The unicorn whose talent is magic. Raw, powerful magic. But her cutiemark is clearly the Element of Magic itself. There was no doubt Celestia recognized it and that's why she took Twilight under her wing.

Celestia pretends to not know shit but SHE WAS DEADASS JUST TAKING THE MOST POWERFUL CHILDREN SHE COULD FIND AND SEEING IF THEY WOULD BE SUCCESSORS. And then Twilight would move on to do the same, likely not realizing this is waht she was doing. An eternal cycle where the ruling class get to turn their successors into a "superior" race and give them control over the cycle of day and night.

And then Cadence whose magic is necessary for keeping the Crystal ponies alive and those ponies better fucking hope the baby who almost killed them once also gets a similar power or they may be fucked.

But wait, there's more! The power structures that surround a being such as Celestia are incredibly fucked up. Everything depends of her because she is an immortal ruler who has outlived and will outlive all of her subjects. Her words is absolute and Equestria should be fucking ecstatic she's a nice person because as we saw in A Royal Problem, if Celestia let the power get to her head she'd probably be the most powerful villain of them all.

And something like that happened! Nightmare moon!!!! Remember her? One of the princesses went haywire and SHE HAD THE POWER TO LEAVE YOU IN DARKNESS FOREVER. AND THERE IS A TIMELINE WHERE SHE FUCKING WINS AND EVERYONE IS UNDER A TOTALITARIAN REGIME!!! I fucking love the season 5 finale btw.

I would say something about changelings or the dragons but the changelings are literal bugs so having a queen makes sense, and the dragons are far more animalistic and the whole dragon lord debacle was put into question in the show anyways.

Equestria and MLP make a point as to why you should NOT have monarchies. They are incredibly inefficient, needessly complex, and will ultimately and inevitably collapse under the weight of their own stupidity.

Anyways, Luna best princess.

Reminder: this is the ONLY monarchical structure you should care about

[glowstickhaloboy]

i just spent an hour typing this klance sleeping beauty/witch AU in a text

one day lance wakes up in a forest with few memories and no idea how he got there. He stumbles upon a stone dias with a veiled, sleeping young man on it and figures he’s dreaming and that’s got to be the part of himself that’s going to wake up eventually. 

Then a bear comes crashing out of the trees, and Lance knows he can’t let the bear hurt himself or... himself?? Whatever. So he manages to draw it under a loose boulder and then topple the rock down on it. Then the bear transforms into a big brown man who says his name is hunk and thanks lance profusely for changing him back. 

“The wicked monarch lotor doesn’t mind using curses on anyone, no matter how insignificant,” he says. Then he sees the sleeping person on the dias and asks if he hurt the prince, and lance is like ??? 

So hunk explains that lotor cursed the rightful heir to the throne to sleep forever, then brought him into the middle of the woods so he would never be found, and hunk, the unfortunate stable boy who had been tasked with transporting him here, had been turned into a bear to attack anyone who got too close. 

At this point lance is like, “wait, im not dreaming?? And that dude is a real person?? Okay so uhh sounds like this monarch is totally evil and we should get this sleeping guy back on the throne??? Whys he asleep how do we wake him up??”

And hunks like “shrug.” 

So lance is like “WELL ive got quite a reputation for being a dashing hero” 

“oh really whats your name” 

“uh, the names LANCE” 

“GASP LANCELOT??” 

“Ye-! What, no, who is that wtf” 

“oh then ive never heard of you” 

“whatever shut up you’ll have heard of me after we pull this off together, lets get this guy to a town or something and tell the people whats going on, that way theyll know lotor is a fake” 

“oh its not going to be that easy,” says hunk, ever the man of exposition. “lotor has guards everywhere, at gates and bridges and checkpoints on the roads to every town, nobody can get in anywhere with anything secret, especially not so blatantly carrying a body”

but then they meet a group of smugglers!! Led by allura and pidge, the strategist and the genius, who agree to help lance because of lotor’s ridiculous taxes + security. 

“But” says pidge “theres no way we’ll help you when he’s like this. You gotta wake him up first. He’s practically dead, we’re not going to smuggle a corpse, its useless. Coma patients cant lead kingdoms.” 

And lance is like “idk?? How??” 

And hunk is like “drop a rock on him” 

and lance is like “NO HES A PRINCE” 

and pidge is like “no curse is foolproof, theres got to be a way to break it” but doesn’t offer any helpful solutions so lance sighs and goes to hang out with sleeping Keith to see if he cant come up with something.

The smugglers helpfully offered a tent to keep the prince in so it doesn’t cause much of a ruckus among their crew. Lance enjoys the privacy because he’s starting to doubt that he can pull this off, and he apologizes to Keith for that even though he knows Keith cant hear him, and lance explains that he doesn’t know a lot about himself but he feels like he has a history of letting people down and he’s sorry, he’s sorry, but he’s going to try his best, and maybe providence will smile upon Keith and everything will work out anyway, and if lance fails he is at least a necessary stepping stone to restore Keith to the throne. 

He falls asleep there, and when he dreams, he’s inside a beautiful palace watching a man with a prosthetic arm write a letter at a desk. 

“That’s my brother,” says a voice behind lance, and thats... Keith walking up into the room, talking to him?? so casually?? And the man writing the letter cant seem to see or hear them at all? And Keith continues, “his name is shiro. He’s feeling particularly frustrated lately because theres nothing he can do to stop lotor from screwing over our people. He was supposed to inherit the throne. After one year as king, he sent supplies to the kingdom of a sworn enemy while their people suffered from starvation, and lotor got the council to label him a traitor and revoke his right to the throne. I was the only heir left. And, well, you know what happened to me.” He smiles and lance is still like WHAT THE HELL?? And Keith says “you’ll figure it out. I trust you” and lance can feel himself waking up so he misses the next part and only gets the word “witch” before he’s back in the tent and Keith is still passed tf out and he has NO IDEA how to break this curse, so he asks hunk if there are any witches nearby. 

And hunks like “shrug” 

and lance wants to bash his head against a wall. 

But allura overhears and is like “im a witch lol” and lance is like “YOU CAN DO IT THEN YOU GOTTA FIX HIM” and allura is like “?? i’ll try but I have no idea how I would even begin” and lance is like “ANYWAY I CAN HELP I WILL” 

so he hangs at allura’s elbow all day while she stirs potion after potion, consults books, consults Pidge, attempts to cast spells, and nothing’s working, so the day passes and she gives up for now and says she has to rest, and lance reluctantly sees her out of the tent and falls asleep himself. 

This time he dreams he’s in a witch’s tower, and he knows this must be the witch he needs to find, but it’s empty. He doesn’t know who lives here or where they are, and yet it feels familiar, and then Keith appears again, and lance wastes no time in asking where they are this time. Keith shrugs and says this must be one of lance’s memories, Keith has never been here before. 

And lance looks around in confusion like, “one of... my... memories??” before it clicks why he knows this is a witch’s tower without even looking around, and he remembers the tree outside the window and the apples that could be magicked inside from the branches without even leaving the comfort of the couch, and thats because its HIS witch’s tower. He’s in his home! 

And as if to prove it, he spins around and sees himself perusing his own library with an apple in hand, humming, and Keith smiles at him and says, “Witch,” before lance wakes up again and this time he understands, he remembers, that he is the only person who can save Keith, and that is why lotor cursed him with memory loss in the first place!! 

He also remembers... a lot of embarrassing thoughts he’d had pretty much his entire life... lance had followed the prince’s progress from afar, had attended his coronation and offered his services consulting as a court sorcerer (which the royal representative lotor had always overlooked with disdain because they HAD a court sorcerer, thank you very much, and honerva had more life experience in her little finger than a little spell-monkey like lance) and when the prince went missing, lance toiled over a solution, and he came to the new regent, lotor, and proved that he’d crafted a spell with the power to locate one’s truly heartfelt desire, and then he proved that his desire was keith’s safety, was keith, and then everything went dull and fuzzy, and then he’d woken up in the forest. 

And all of this is to say-- lance does not know how to break a sleeping curse. 

He only knew how to find Keith. Why did Keith have such faith in him? He would try anyway. He would brew a remedy so powerful it HAD to work. 

when pidge comes to check on him next morning, lance informs her that he has a lead on the prince and is not to be disturbed, and he spends all day sending hunk and allura out for ingredients, tugging out his own hair, briefly crying, then scraping himself up to keep working, and just as he thinks he might be on the right track, theres a scream outside, and then more, and lance doesn’t want to leave the cauldron but he has to make sure the camp is safe-- and it isn’t. 

Lotor’s armed guards have raided the smuggler’s camp and lotor himself is there too. Lance knows he has only one chance. 

He dashes back into his tent to finish, knowing full well that lotor saw him and theres no time at all, and then half the tent spontaneously begins to fold in on itself, and the cauldron is knocked from its briar and the potion! Most of it spills out, and lance, without thinking, takes the rest into his mouth because he doesn’t have a flask, and if he has to feed it to the sleeping prince like a baby bird then he WILL.

but lotor rips open the front of the tent before lance can make it to the bedroll and raises lance by the throat off of the ground. By force, he squeezes every golden drop out of lance’s puffed cheeks then casts him aside, preparing to finish Keith once and for all now that his secret is found out, (and in his mind he is thinking how nicely this will all blow over, to pin it on the smugglers and an unfortunate accident in the raid) but lance is swept up in a force of protective rage and creates a gust of wind powerful enough to uproot the tent, catch up lotor, and drag him away and pin him down. 

While lotor struggles against the fabric, lance scrambles to keith’s bedroll and prays that this will work, that theres enough remaining to have any effect at all-- and he presses his potion-coated lips to keith’s and wishes as hard as he can. 

and keith’s lips press back. 

And keith’s hand catches at lance’s collar. 

and lotor bellows in rage and lance sits up in wonder and the prince is awake and alive. 

He does not move like someone who has been lying still for over a year. He leaps to his feet, summons a dagger from seemingly nowhere, and meets the regent monarch head-on in a duel so fearsome that, when lotor is eventually defeated, his armored guard immediately drop their weapons and bow to keith.

Keith orders the guards release this camp (on the grounds that the laws they bent were unjust in the first place, and they’d harbored him safely in his hour of need), and then he finds himself and lance a horse and finally gets a moment to thank this witch who saved him-- and perhaps, if lance can forgive him for being somewhat useless throughout all this, he would like to accompany Keith to the castle as his court sorcerer? Of course, the mother to a traitor cannot serve the crown. 

And lance can hardly believe he’s being offered this new lot in life, because hes-- hes-- HIM. He never wins! But he has this time. He has.

He all but yells “YES” and almost makes an ass out of himself but reigns it in at the last second. They ride back to the castle together and are married later that year and live happily ever after.

[inspector2ndclass]

The Mechanisms as Random Birds I Found on the Internet

Did anyone want this? No. Do I know anything about birds? Also no. Anyways, here’s a shitpost I spent way too long on.

Jonny d’Ville: Northern Mockingbird

First and foremost, here’s Jonny! An asshole! A bastard! An all around terrible person! He shall be a northern mockingbird. This fucking bird has no redeemable qualities other than that it is pretty and a GREAT singer. This is a very aggressive bird. Very territorial. If it had opposable thumbs, it would probably shoot you in like the foot or something. I don’t think these birds are very smart. Just like a certain “captain” that we know. The state bird of Texas, among all places. Never trust a texas. In true Texas fashion, the 1927 legislation declaring the Northern Mockingbird the state’s official bird stated that the species is “a fighter for the protection of his home, falling, if need be, in its defence, like any true texan.” Now Jonny burned down a Texas - maybe not this Texas but whatever. I read somewhere that a mockingbird could peck someone’s dick off, and honestly? Valid.

Gunpowder Tim: Southern Cassowary

Okay, hear me out. This bird is a little bitch - or rather a b i g bitch. In a good way. Look at this fucking bird. It’s majestic. Doesn’t it look just SO trustworthy. What a trustworthy man. And very pretty. Pretty, pretty bird. Who could squash you like a fucking ant. This is one Violent bird. Tim is one Violent person. The cassowary makes a low roaring sound like a fucking dinosaur. I love dinosaurs. DID I MENTION IT LAYS GREEN EGGS. Now you might say, well Tim is a human and humans don’t lay green eggs. Fuck you. It’s never explicitly stated that our very own Gunpowder Tim doesn’t lay green eggs. Also comes with a built-in helmet. As everyone except Tim and the southern cassowary says, safety first! Strikes me as a very egotistical bird. If the cassowary weren’t a bird, I don’t think it would wear a seatbelt.

Ashes O’Reilly: California Condor

Okay, so. This is a cool fucking bird. Just look at it. M a j e s t i c. Do you know who else is really fucking cool? Ashes. They have so much power. Also condors are beautiful birds. Oh my god. California condors are very graceful fliers. For Ashes, I almost went with the brown falcon - one of “Nature’s arsonists”, but other than arson, it’s a rather boring bird. Just brown. And a falcon. BUT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR. Now that’s a cool bird. The god of the sky. Actually, in the “research” for this post I found a blog post in 2011 from someone who has genuinely worshipped condors as gods since they were a teenager and honestly? Valid. (disclaimer; I am aware that many native cultures worship animals and nature, however I don’t feel qualified to talk about that. I don’t mean any harm by this post.)

DrumBot Brian: Shoebill Stork

Well. I did have a rather difficult time finding a bird that has a complex set of moral values. Who would’ve thought?? I did almost use a praying mantis, just for a little variety. I’ve never met someone who wouldn’t rip off the head of their lover. BUT ANYWAYS. Here we have Brian the Shoebill Stork. He looks so nice. But he will not hesitate to decapitate your baby crocodile. Also very patient!! Like a dinosaur! This bird has the most complex set of moral values of any bird I could find in about thirty seconds. If Brian didn’t decapitate so many young crocodiles there would be much too many! Too many crocodiles! The horror! I’ve also seen a gif of Boring Brian delicately picking up a duckling and placing it back down. Dunno what happened after, though. Don’t ask. Apparently the shoebill stork makes “machine-gun noises” which I think Jonny would enjoy fucking around with. A place that I forgot to write down reportedly called the bird “Abu-Markhub” meaning “father of the slipper” which,,,, yeah.

Raphaella la Cognizi: Kea

Also known as the “clown of the alps”, the Kea resides in the mountains, as the only alpine parrot. Pretty cool. I want to be a clown. But like, a cool clown - not one that hides in a sewer and eats children… Anyways, I’m getting off topic. The kea is the smartest bird I could find. Raphaella is the science officer of the Aurora so it seemed fitting. Look at this photo. That’s science at work! Kea can use basic tools! And reportedly have the intelligence of a four-year-old child! That’s pretty smart! Also it has wings! Raph has wings! Apparently kea enjoy attacking sheep, dogs, horses, etc. and just generally fuck around with people. Imagine what this bird could do with opposable thumbs…

Marius von Raum: Victoria Crowned Pigeon

My criteria for Bird Marius was essentially a stupid looking bird with a ridiculously long name. I was originally going to go with the King of Saxony Bird of Paradise solely for the name (just look at it! It’s so dumb! Who the fuck is the king of saxony!) however it bored me. So! Here we have Doctor Baron Marius von Raum as the Victoria Crowned Pigeon (also sometimes referred to as the Blue Crowned Pigeon). Genuinely, this was my favourite bird as a child. I fucking love this funky little bastard. Apparently, it’s the largest pigeon species in the world and can grow to be the size of a turkey. A turkey! What the fuck! This bird thinks it’s all that. (I mean, it’s not wrong). It was named after Queen Victoria but like,,,,, Fuck The Monarchy. Also eats a lot of figs. The bird - not the queen. Or maybe the queen I dunno. Marius seems like the kind of person who hates figs but eats them anyways so he doesn’t feel inferior to the Fig Lord. How the fuck is this bird not extinct yet.

Ivy Alexandria: Common Raven

Ivy Alexandria, the Common Raven. Ravens are extremely smart! Like seriously - near where I live, there’s an animal shelter with a raven and you can hold a conversation with it. It’s amazing! They also have great memories and hold grudges - so don’t mess with them. Oh! They can also use hand gestures, which for birds is insanely cool! They are the literal “birdbrain”. Sometimes they collect little trinkets, which I think is really sweet. Now, I don’t believe ravens can read but like,,,,, I dunno. I read an article recently about ravens doing “weird things with ants”. Apparently they like to play with them. Ravens have been known to sit in an anthill and let ants crawl all over their feathers for no apparent reason. Now, while nothing has been canonically stated involving Ivy and ants, you can’t prove Ivy doesn’t go sit and hang out with a bunch of ants.

Nastya Rasputina: Andean Potoo

The Andean Potoo is the most mysterious breed of the seven or so potoo species; almost nothing is known other than their vague appearance and their stomach contents (large insects like beetles and grasshoppers, if you were interested). While we do know quite a bit about Nastya, I thought this bird fit her pretty well. In answer to the question “Are potoos friendly?” a website said: “The short answer is ‘no’. The slightly longer answer is ‘it depends’.” This sounds like Nastya and her lesbian spaceship girlfriend. Potoos are VERY good at camouflage; like Nastya in Aurora’s veins?? I dunno, might be a bit of a stretch. They are shy, secretive birds. Sounds fun. Potoos are also VERY good at catching insects and shit. This point might not be relevant, but whatever. Andean potoos might mate for life; scientists don’t know. Let’s say that they do. If Nastya were this bird, she could be eaten by a weasel. Weasels said fuck Nastya rights. Fuck weasels.

The Toy Soldier: Atlantic Puffin

OH MY GOD. I love the Toy Soldier. The Atlantic Puffin. I don’t have many reasons for this one other that IT’S ADORABLE. This is my favourite bird. Just look at it!!! Hnnnnnnn. Baby puffins are called pufflingssssss. Oh my god. Also look up the bird call of the atlantic puffin; it is the best thing ever. Puffins are very sociable birds and live in like giant flocks or something. They’re very neat birds and also waterproof! Like wood! They shed the outer layer of their beaks once a year! Like wood! They live in burrows! Like wood! They can hold a fuck ton of fish in their beaks! Like wood! They have a really fucking wierd tongue! Like wood!

BONUS: Dr. Carmilla: Lammergier (Bearded Vulture)

Do I know anything about Dr. Carmilla? Nope! I think she’s a vampire but like???? Anyways, just look at this bird. It’s pretty self-explanatory. The Lammergeier is one Badass Bird. It is one of the largest old-world vultures. I don’t know what that means. It can grow up to four feet tall, though! And has a wingspan between seven and nine feet. That’s a big fucking bird! They have no natural predators, much like a certain immortal vampire (maybe???). It eats primarily bone and bone marrow and has a nasty habit of carrying off lambs, calves, and dead children. Remind you of the Good Doctor and her Band? Probably not. I bet Jonny has eaten at least one dead child, though. The lammergeier can also live up to the ripe old age of 45 (old in bird years?). Supposedly a lammergeier killed the greek playwright Aeschelus by mistaking his large bald head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Sounds very Carmilla. BUT WAIT I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART. This bird dies it’s fur the colour of blood to look more intimidating! Supposedly this is a mark of status, as well. That’s one badass bird!!!

WELL THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE. A useless adventure, sure. Fuck you. I had fun.

[fluffyunicornofdanger]

Charity Ball

A/N: I haven’t done a queen fic in what feels like ages! But that’s pretty much because I haven’t had the time and I’m trying to get through all my requests. But here one is! I really love this idea and I wasn’t too keen on doing anything more with it at the beginning, but I’m glad that changed. I hope you guys enjoy and if you have any ideas for how I could continue this let me know.

*~~*~~*

Masterlist

Brian May x Reader

Read Her Royal Highness first: 1 / 2

Summary: With their relationship and secrets out in the open, Y/n and Brian must go back to their daily lives. A part of that now is royal events that Y/n is eager to bring Brian to, but the guitarist isn’t as eager. He’s more nervous than anything even if Y/n assures him there is nothing to be worried about.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Language

(Disclaimer: Andorra is a real country in Europe, landlocked between France and Spain. It may be real, but it does not have an existing monarchy. So, please remember that this is a work of fiction. And I would appreciate it if you guys didn’t go around telling people that Andorra has a monarchy, it wouldn’t make you sound very smart.)

Brian fiddled with his tie, trying to make it straight. No matter how much he played with it, though, it still hung a little crooked on his chest. He couldn’t have that. On stage, his appearance didn’t really matter. A crooked tie, a ripped pair of jeans, an unbuttoned shirt didn’t matter when he had his guitar in hand. But he wouldn’t be on stage, he would be in a ballroom surrounded by people he only ever dreamed of meeting. The slightest hair out of place, broken nail, and crooked tie matter among the people he would be socializing with. 

He hadn’t thought that he would ever get to attend an event hosted by a royal family, let alone meet members of all the royals Europe had to offer. But his thought process changed once he found out he was dating one of those royals. Being in the company of high ranking individuals was something he had become accustomed too when around Y/n’s family. He’d just never believed that he would get invited to one of their balls.

The man huffed, looking at his appearance in the mirror. It was hard to notice the tie wasn’t straight, but he wouldn’t be satisfied until it hung the way he wanted it to. He was just about to undo the material when a pair of arms wrapped around him.

“Are you alright, love?” Y/n asked, her head pressed against his back.

“I would be a whole lot better if this bloody tie would fucking cooperate,” he mumbled, fiddling with it once again.

Y/n sighed as she unwrapped her arms and came to stand in front of him, careful not to step on the skirt of her dress. “Let me help you.”

“Why can’t I just wear a bowtie?” 

A smile crept onto her lips. “Because it would probably be just as crooked as this tie.” She held up the fabric in her hands. “And I think you look dashing in ties.”

“Are you nervous?” he asked, watching her go through the motions of tieing it.

She thought for a moment. “Not really. I’ve known almost all these people since childhood and have grown up with many of them. And to be honest, technically I’m related to all of them in some way, no matter how distant the relation is.”

Brian nodded in response, looking at his reflection in the mirror. 

No matter if his tie was crooked, he wasn’t sure he would be enough for them. He didn’t think that a simple man like him, nothing more to his name than a talent that many possed, was good enough for people that had more riches than they knew what to do with. They would probably look down on him, wonder what he had to offer Y/n, her family, and Andorra. He wasn’t a duke or a lord, he hadn’t served in the military, and he wasn’t wealthy beyond his wildest dreams. Some may believe that he was only with her for the money. 

In their eyes, he was probably like dirt, useless and not worth their time.

“What are you thinking?” Y/n asked when she was finished with the tie.

“Just how beautiful you are,” he smiled, but it failed to meet his eyes.

She raised a brow, putting her hands on her hip. “Lying to me isn’t going to get you anywhere, Brian. Now, what are you really thinking?”

He huffed, running a hand down his face. “I just don’t think I’m enough. Not for them with all their money and fancy house and regal titles. It’s not like I can bring much to the table, I’m a fucking rock star for crying out loud. That’s about as classy as a bread maker.”

“Darling,” she cooed, caressing his cheek. “You are enough. You don’t have to have enough money to fill an ocean, a house that people can get lost in, or a title that makes you seem better than those around you. You bring more to the table than you think. You are a rock star, yes, one that writes and performs amazing songs and not only that, but you are probably going to be the smartest person in the room tonight.”

He gave her a sheepish smile, ashamed that he had brought it up. 

“Now, I’m gonna put my shoes on and we’re gonna head downstairs. My mother would be furious if we were tarty.”

*~~*~~*

Y/n stood next to Brian in the decked out ballroom. The gold trimmings on the wall had been polished til they shone like the sun and red roses littered the tables that were placed in one of the corners of the large room. It was clear when they walked in that Brian was taken back by the beauty of the room, with the rich paintings of past and grand chandeliers. His eyes lite up like a child when he was the vivid colors and brush strokes.

“Is this going to be like in the movies where everyone gets formally introduced?” Brian whispered into her ear.

Y/n couldn’t help but smile at the question. “No, silly. This is a charity ball, not the type of ball Cinderella would be seen at.”

He chuckled, turning to see that people were starting to enter. Ladies in long gowns of a multitude of colors walked through the archway, men at their sides in black suits. All wearing jewels and ribbons to set them apart from each other. 

“Who’s that?” Brian whispered, gesturing to a woman in a red gown, a crown atop her head.

“That’s Queen Margrethe II of Denmark and that-” She pointed to the man beside her. “-is her husband Prince Henrik.”

“Are they nice people?”

“Lovely, absolutely lovely, but try not to start up a conversation with Prince Henrik, it will last for hours.”

The next couple of minutes continued like that. Brian would inquire about the different monarchs that walked passed them and Y/n would explain to him who they were and if they were really worth his time. Most were, but there were a few lower level royals that he needed to stay away from. The ones that were out for the money they believed they deserved. 

With everyone in the room, the ball was in full swing. The band played waltz after waltz and the staff brought around drinks, trying their best to not get bumped into. Somewhere in all the festivities, Y/n lost Brian. He had slipped between the cracks of people and was out of sight. She knew it was foolish to be worried about him, he was a grown man, but these people were like her family. Sure, their opinions didn’t weigh as much as her parents did, but she’d grown up with most of them, spent holidays together, celebrated and mourned with those people. They followed certain rules of etiquette of that Brian wasn’t accustomed too and they expected more from others than most. It would be devastating if they were uneasy about letting him into the family.

Y/n weaved between bodies, watching her feet so she didn’t step on someone's skirt or get tripped up on feet. She placed her empty wine glass on a passing tray as someone called her name. Turning around, her face lite up. “Anne!”

“Y/n,” the woman smiled, walking towards her.

“I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“I wouldn’t miss a chance to see you,” Anne said, embracing her friend. “Well, and the man in your life.”

Y/n’s cheeks heated up, at least someone was excited about her boyfriend. “Honestly, I live in London, I don’t know why I don’t come see you more.”

Anne shrugged. “Different schedules. Nothing we can do about it but plan in advance.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath as she surveyed the crowd. She’d thought that with his height and hair, picking Brian out of the crowd would be easy, but it was anything but that. “How’s Charles doing? I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“He’s doing all right, moody, but alright.”

Y/n raised a brow, waiting for more information.

Anne picked up a glass of wine from a passing tray and took a sip. “Mother wants him to hurry up and find a wife. She's not going to live forever and England will not only need a king when she’d gone but an heir as well.”

“And he doesn’t want that right now?”

“No, he wants anything but that.”

Y/n nodded. 

She understood that all too well. Certain things were expected of heirs and them straying away from those things wasn’t one of them. Y/n had watched her oldest brother go through that. It was painful to watch as he struggled to figure out who he wanted to be. Did he want to break his father’s heart and chase after his dreams or become the king he was born to be? It was a hard question to answer when his heart wanted both. At least, he had time, as did Charles, to figure out who he wanted to be.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Anne asked.

Y/n sighed, trying to see if she could spot him. “That is a good question.”

“You lost him in a room full of royals?” the British princess looked at her in disbelief. 

She nodded. “I know.”

Anne shook her head. “Kiss that man goodbye if the Barrow sisters are here.”

The sisters were just two of the handful of royals that Y/n tried to stay away from, urging Brian to do the same. No one was quite sure what the Barrow sisters wanted more; money or sex. At royal events they attended, women generally hung tight to their men, not willing to lose them to the sisters. Obviously, Y/n hadn’t hung tight enough. 

The pair of royals looked over their shoulders as a thunderous laugh hit their ears. Y/n was in shock as her eyes landed on Brian and King Olva of Norway laughing like old friends. It wouldn’t have been a strange scene if Olva had a sense of humor. But it took many failed attempts to get a laugh out of the monarch.

“Oh my god,” she let out, her eyes as wide as saucers.

“I assume that’s your man,” Anne pointed at the bushy-haired man. 

All Y/n could do was stare at what played out in front of her. And to think she was worried. It was clear she had nothing to worry about. Her family would gladly accept him now seeing as how he had done something that no one had accomplished in years, maybe decades.

“It sure is,” she said with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[kmp78]

"But who married a man of royal blood? And who's dating a failed singer / actor" Well, I am not impressed by royal blood, classism and monarchy. While Jared is quite annoying right now, he raised himself, his broke ass idiotic brother and his mother from poverty through hard work pre-2015. He is slacking now, but to me is still way better than P Harry who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and is as useless as useless comes. Also the nazi uniform thing rubs me the wrong way. Always has.

IF Harry even is a blue blood...*cough JAMES HEWITT cough* 😏(http://kmp78.tumblr.com/post/147887250529/disclaimer-and-rules)

[sketch-rambles]

Sanders Side kingdom au

(Disclaimer: I do not know much about how nobility/royalty/hereditary lines/etc. works, and I’m sure I botched the logistics and titles, but this is meant to be more fun than factually consistent.)

Patton is the king, a kind and fatherly figure who rules justly, compassionately, and wisely. He is much smarter than he lets on, and it appears as though it would be easy to overthrow him (it would not be), but let’s be honest: no one wants to do that. He’s the best king anyone could imagine, and since he takes the people’s wants and needs into such careful consideration, it’s hardly even a true monarchy.

If the people ever worry that their benevolent ruler’s heart was too big to account to account for reality (which well they might), they are comforted by the counseling of his highly-capable adviser, Logan. Although, perhaps “adviser” is something of an incorrect or once-was title. He is close enough to the king, and to the decision making processes, that he may as well be a monarch himself. The people do not mind. He keeps things running smoothly.

Of the king’s many children, one is the most prone to venturing epic quests and throwing lavish parties. Prince Roman does his official duties just fine, or course (usually), but he’s much more interested in earning the adoration of his people than in paperwork and whatnot. His heart is in the right place.

Really, the only problem the people have had in the recent past with the various noblemen is some complaints that a marquess, Virgil, ruled too strictly and cautiously. King Patton had been trying to convince the people for quite some time that the marquess was much nastier in their imaginations than he ever was in real life, but the complaints were only cleared up Virgil, after a particularly disgruntling riot, withdrew and refused to govern. After all, the people were all under the ruling of King Patton. If they didn’t like what Virgil was doing, “marquess” (as far as he was concerned) might as well be a useless title granted to make him feel special.

To make a long story very short, a marquess rules a land on the edges of the kingdom, which is most prone to attack. The people soon learned how effective their marquess could be at blocking total chaos threatening to surge past the border and envelop the kingdom.

There are other nobles too, of course, princesses and dukes and non-binary royalty. But that is a story for another day.